the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
