i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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