we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
