census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
