i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
