We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
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Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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