i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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