I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
why do cheetos always look like penises
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
