does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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