In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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