She's JV to your varsity
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
