guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
As shirtless as possible
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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