Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
