We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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