Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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