I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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