Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
