the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize