I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You have to summon your inner elephant
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
