so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
