You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
