I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize