ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
