I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
