the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he fucked my hip out of place.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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