This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
