Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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