There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
