I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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