halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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