OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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