You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
