When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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