I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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