the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
