The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
