so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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