i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
