Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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