take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
