dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize