We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize