I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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