If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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