yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize