my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night