Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
