We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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