we're blogging at a bar
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
