I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
