I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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