I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
