you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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