To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
