Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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