I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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