i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
