and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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