so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
