New low: just hacked my moms facebook
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize