I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize