btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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