You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
