Hey man sorry I got all grabby
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I got her a Nickelback box set.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
