I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
