you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
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you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
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someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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