I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
